The Open Chronicle of “Mentorship”

This is a living, breathing rant. New entries will appear whenever the grand theatre of modern “Mentorship – Awake Enlightened Souls” offers fresh absurdities. Sit tight—the saga writes itself.

Welcome to the golden age of “mentorship,” where anyone armed with Wi-Fi, a semi-functional webcam, and the confidence of a Victorian hypnotist can proclaim themselves a spiritual guru. A “higher being.” A self-declared enlightened soul who claims expertise on absolutely everything: life, death, the universe, your chakras, and naturally, your finances. 😏

And what a spectacle it is. By the third interminable monologue—good heavens, the droning!—you don’t just feel “spiritually awakened,” you begin to suspect that without their guidance, your very ability to breathe is compromised.

Picture wisdom compressed into the mental equivalent of a granola bar: quick, digestible, vaguely nutritious. Sprinkle over your existential crisis and voilà—instant enlightenment, conveniently packaged.

Ah, the age of “natural living.”

A term that once evoked images of barefoot children, sticky fingers from homemade jam, and perhaps an overzealous compost heap—now lovingly repackaged into online workshops, complete with pastel-toned slides and chakra-aligned business-savvy-awake-oh-shovel-wtf-scruffy-zonedout subscription boxes.

Let us consider the modern-day guru of “authentic branding.”

It speaks of tribal belonging. Of naming ceremonies. Of a soul-sourced identity forged not through evidence or skill, but by the sheer conviction that its intuition—bless its weary Wi-Fi signal—is always correct.

It calls it “alignment.”

We, dear reader, call it: ah, hell no. Isn’t that right?😏

Within the golden tent of its teachings, success is measured by how confidently one can pretend that long-winded, vaguely poetic ramblings are a substitute for education, training, or—dare one hope—factual coherence.

Its audience? Vulnerable seekers. Exhausted parents. Isolated souls. Disoriented dreamers. Financially capable, naturally, or those who can be conditioned to generate income.

And ... chroniclers like me, evidently. 😎🍿

All gently ushered into a filtered utopia where “nature” is a brand aesthetic, and “authenticity” is a lifestyle you pay monthly to maintain.

But peel back the curated leaves and something peculiar appears:

– Children removed from school not through thoughtful alternative pedagogy, but out of sheer ideological zealotry.

– Internet access strictly forbidden—for the children—while the guru preaches daily to an online “tribe.”

– Tech-shaming at home… whilst profiting from the algorithm.

– Instagram Lives promoting the “offline life.”

– A single walk to the beach, paraded like a pilgrimage to the Holy Land...

Ah yes. The mentor of contradictions.

It tells you: “Just be yourself.”

But only after selling you an identity it has curated for you.

It promises “freedom.”

But subtly suggests that true liberation is found in mirroring its lifestyle choices, purchasing its coaching packages, and learning to “feel into” a business plan written entirely in glitter and gaslighting.

🍎 It won’t teach you how to build a business that thrives outside its bubble.

🍋 It will teach you how to build its bubble around your business.

And all of this under the noble flag of “truth.”😄✊

Let us be clear… again… and as always. 😏:

Truth does not tremble in the face of satire.

Authenticity does not require a marketing funnel.

And anyone truly “living in alignment” does not stalk the feeds of those they claim to have transcended. 😏

Because if your so-called house of compost relies on dimming others, perhaps it’s not light at all— but a well-branded blackout.

Note to the Observer:

True mentors welcome questions.

False ones fear comparisons.

And if someone insists they’ve found the only path— 🚨 you’re not in a mentorship.

You’re standing at a market stall wrapped in sage.

If this entry itches, perhaps it’s because it touched a nerve that needed airing. We’re here for the disinfection.😉